This week’s blog is by our friend + colleague, Jill Mastroianni, host + founder of the Death Readiness Podcast.
Jill talks to parents about how to prepare for newly adult children, and what every parent should know once their child turns 18.
When your child turns 18, the law changes, whether you’re ready or not…
One day you’re making every decision for them. The next, your child is a legal adult and you no longer have the automatic right to step in if something goes wrong.
The tragic stories of two young women, Nancy Cruzan and Terri Schiavo, show why advance healthcare directives and healthcare powers of attorney matter, not just for aging parents, but for every family with an 18-year-old.
Why This Matters at Age 18…
I’ve worked with countless families who ask: “What do I need to do to help my parents as they age?”
But almost no one asks: “What about my 18-year-old?”
On your child’s 18th birthday, your child gains legal control over their medical decisions and you lose the automatic authority to make them.
If something unexpected happens—a ski accident, a car crash, an allergic reaction—you may not even be allowed in the room, let alone able to direct their care.
What Nancy Cruzan’s Story Can Teach Us Today
In 1983, Nancy Cruzan, a 25-year-old from Missouri, suffered a devastating brain injury in a car accident. She had no healthcare directive. No healthcare power of attorney.
When her condition didn’t improve, her parents, Joe and Joyce, wanted her feeding tube removed so she could die naturally. But without documented evidence of Nancy’s wishes, the hospital refused.
Years of painful legal battles followed, through Missouri’s courts and all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, before her parents were finally allowed to honor what they believed Nancy would have wanted.
The cost? Years of suffering, public protests, and unimaginable emotional pain.
The High-Stakes Battle Over Terri Schiavo’s Care
The story was different, but the heartbreak was the same for Terri Schiavo’s family.
At just 26, Terri went into cardiac arrest and suffered severe brain damage. She, too, had no healthcare directive.
Her husband, Michael, believed Terri would not want to be kept alive. Her parents disagreed. What followed was a years-long, highly publicized court battle that pulled in Florida lawmakers, the Governor of Florida, and even the President of the United States.
Terri’s case became a national debate but at its core, it was a family struggling with an impossible situation, trying to guess what Terri would have wanted.
The Documents That Change Everything
A healthcare power of attorney and an advance healthcare directive make sure your child’s voice is heard, even if they can’t speak for themselves.
- Advance Healthcare Directive – Outlines their wishes for medical treatment in specific situations.
- Healthcare Power of Attorney – Appoints someone they trust to make medical decisions if they can’t.
It’s not just about paperwork. It’s about clarity, peace, and avoiding unnecessary pain for the people you love most.
How to Start the Conversation
This conversation doesn’t have to be formal or heavy. Start with something simple, like:
“I’ve been thinking about what I’d want if something happened to me, and I realized I don’t know what you’d want. Can we talk about it?” Modeling your own openness helps.
If your child is willing, help them put their choices in writing.
Action Steps for Parents
- Talk early, before a crisis happens.
- Keep it simple and honest.
- Complete the forms together and make sure they’re accessible.
- Share key details with the people who need to know, like doctors and close family members.
A Gift of Clarity
Helping your child create a healthcare directive and power of attorney isn’t just about planning for the worst. It’s about making sure their voice is heard and giving yourself peace of mind that you can step in when they need you most.
This guest blog was written by our friend + colleague, Jill Mastroianni, host of The Death Readiness Podcast – thanks, Jill!
- Learn more about this subject in Episode 22 of The Death Readiness Podcast, What Every Parent Needs to Know When Their Child Turns 18.
- And, give your healthcare decision-maker the tools they need to make meaningful decisions by filling out this Medical Information Sheet.
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